


The Crow and the Butterfly

by StormFireGirl



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Depression, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, References to Depression, Zim being Zim, Zim has Anxiety, a lot is implied here, but some omnipotence too, dib's pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-14
Updated: 2019-09-14
Packaged: 2020-10-18 10:51:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20637968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormFireGirl/pseuds/StormFireGirl
Summary: Dib doesn't expect much from Zim. Zim's about to surprise him.





	The Crow and the Butterfly

**Author's Note:**

  * For [recapkid](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=recapkid).

> This is my very first (and probably only) work in this fandom. It was inspired by recapkid's art on Tumblr: https://recapkid.tumblr.com/post/187449485188/this-thing-is-soooo-self-indulgent-it-is 
> 
> I have permission from them to do this. Recapkid, if you're reading, enjoy my attempt at ZaDr!

Space would usually enrapture Dib. 

The allure of the unknown, the mystery of the jet black high above, with stars and planets high above dotting it, drawing his attention upwards to what was nearly unattainable. But not tonight. Tonight Dib looked down, at the roofs of houses around the area, the lights shining through the window. He didn't feel like being enamored or enraptured. He barely felt like moving from the hard concrete he was planted on, wallowing in misery. A great weight was pressing down on him. 

_He told Zim he loved him. _

_How STUPID was he?!?! _

His negative thoughts and emotions swirled in him like a pissed off swarm of yellowjackets, engulfing him as he wondered about every moment up until then. He sniffled as a few more tears pinpricked his eyes, and stung a little as if the yellowjackets wanted to get out. It figures nothing would want to stay with him, the _freak show_, the _weirdo_, the _loser!_

And then, movement. He glanced down, and saw a familiar green head poke up next to the railing. The vermillion eyes he'd come to instantly recognize over the years were blown wide, taking in his pitiful visage. Then, a click. Two PAK legs emerged, and helped lift him up as he slid onto the railing and helped him sit down next to Dib. The Irken's demeanor instantly changed from a poker-face like observation to that of anxiety. Dib barely ever saw him like this in the seven years they'd been decking it out. Even in the last six months, after learning his Tallests weren't in fact coming to enslave the earth, he'd never looked so unsure of himself. 

Without thinking, Dib spoke first. "Zim, you-" his voice was soft and cracked from the hours of crying. "You came back..." He cautiously reached out, shaking. His stomach rolled. The look Zim had given him when he'd blurted it out, those three words, his disgust and horror. God. 

"Yes." Zim answered, his own usually loud voice soft as well. "I, suppose I did." Much to Dib's shock, he took his hand and pressed the palm to his face and rubbed. It was a strange gesture, one of either apology or affection or both, if Dib had to guess. Heat rose to his cheeks as he watched and felt the little Irken's soft face. Dib wondered for a split second if they'd just end up there, talking softly beneath the stars.

But Zim was, as usual, predictable as ever. "Okay, enough." The Irken pulled away, suddenly callous and sneering again. 

"Uh-" Dib mumbled in a quiet voice.

"ENOUGH." Zim yelled when his initial command was ignored and promptly shoved his hand away.

"But, you were the one wh-" 

"SILENCE! Zim will speak now!" He cleared his throat, an unusual, buzzy sort of sound. "The Dib has been granted permission." 

Dib looked down at the alien incredulously. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

That didn't exactly make Zim happy. He stood up, turned and pointed accusingly at the human. "Do not play stupid! You know exactly what I'm talking about! That disgusting mouth-hole smashing you humans do!" He sat down, instantly switching to a somewhat bashful demeanor now. "Zim will, permit it." 

Dib felt the heat return to his cheeks that had dissipated with Zim's mood swing. "Whoa, uh, are you sure? Because last time this came up, you said I was brainwashing you into defying your Tallests and then tried to kill me." That had been, a fun afternoon that day. "Maybe you should apologize for that first because it really hurt my feelings and-" 

"SILENCE, DIB." Zim as always interrupted him. The Irken morphed into disgust again, the thing that made Dib feel inexplicably tired and annoyed and angry all at once. "It's your fault I've been infected with this pathetic, weak human worm feelings-!"

"Is it now?" 

"YES!!! And here I am trying to be merciful and you dare not appreciate Zim?!" He got up and waved a gloved hand at him. "But I can see the Dib is not interested so I'll-!" 

"No, no wait!" Dib's heart lurched. No way. Even if Zim could be a narcissistic asshole, he didn't want to be alone with the negativity and the creeping doom inside him. "Please stay. Please." He grabbed the edge of a silicone-leather like glove and held it between his forefinger and thumb. "Don't go again." 

Everything came bubbling up and over, like a pot of potatoes set too high to cook. He began to ramble, the sick feeling in his stomach returning as he looked at the Irken. "I get it. It's weird. This whole thing is really weird." Even as a surprised Zim sat down, Dib kept rambling. "I'm a paranormal investigator and this is too weird even for me." 

"Yes... weird. And, so very disgusting." Zim agreed, retching as he looked down at his gloved hands.

"Yeah, it is pretty disgusting to want to kiss your enemy, isn't it?" He laughed nervously, needing to know. Needing to think this through. 

"It's FILTHY. I'd rather have my splooch removed." 

An uncomfortable silence, so thick with tension you could cut it hung between them. Someone was waiting for _something _to happen! And, as usual, Dib was the one with verbal diarrhea. 

"Sooo... do I still have permission to uh, y'know...?" 

"If the Dib must. then Zim will allow this human-pig love ritual with the mouths to take place." Zim relented, and Dib felt himself a smile a little. Zim would never outright say yes, he was too predictable for that (even if his earlier actions weren't and were a new, jeez. Dib wasn't even sure why'd he'd done that!). This was as closest to a "yeah" he'd ever get. He leaned towards the alien. "But only this one time." Zim continued. "And it must be kept brief- or- or-" He turned to face Dib, who's face was inches away and instantly looked like a deer in the headlights, antenna dropping down. 

Dib chuckled. "Or what, space boy?" He murmured. 

"Let it be clear to you, Dib, that I'm ONLY doing this to better understand this horrid disease and once I've cured myself of it, this MIGHTY IRKEN SOLDIER will make you PAY-" 

He was nervous. Dib could tell. "Shh, Zim. It's ok." He murmured, lifting the Irken's chin with his thumb. "You're okay." 

Their lips met. It was, soft, and sweet. It was something they wrote about in romance novellas and played on teen dramas. Dib couldn't see it, but Zim's eyes slowly fell shut, and soon he was pressing back. They were kissing beneath the stars. It was just like Dib had fantasized for the last six months. 

When they finally pulled away, Zim opened his eyes to one of the most beautiful things he'd seen: Dib, eyes closed in perfect trust, cheeks red and glowing, his face this unusual state of calm and flustered. Zim's own had been similar: antenna lowered, flushed, tongue peeping out slightly. As Dib opened his eyes, and looked at Zim in _such a way- _the Irken touched his lips where the human's had been, his face in an almost indescribable look of awe and, was that-? 

Dib didn't find out. The Irken suddenly snapped to, and slid off of the railing, walking away! "That should conclude my business with The Dib." 

"Wha-?! You can't just-!" Dib whirled around and began to stand up. 

"I'll be destroying you along with this planet tomorrow so ehh, enjoy your remaining time here. Have an awful day." 

"You can't tell me that meant nothing to you!"

Zim halted. "We've been over this, Irken soldiers wouldn't have need for these f-f-feelings," he stammered, "in their programming." 

"Then you know what Zim?" Dib was angry now. So, so angry. The angriest he'd felt in years! "Maybe you should stop pretending I gave you some earth illness and admit you're DEFECTIVE!" 

"HOW DARE YOU!" Zim whirled around and pointed at him. "I am the example of a perfect Irken soldier! If Zim really is defective then that would- would mean-" Dib watched as a look of horror went over his face. It then warped into something, like the Irken had been faced with his worst nightmare. He teared up. What?! "NO! NO!" He began to cry, and the reaction he now took was cataclysmic and something Dib hadn't seen in all his years of learning how Zim operated. 

His PAK legs emerged almost instinctively, to protect him from whatever danger was surrounding him. "NO! NO! LIES! IT's LIES AND SLANDER YOU LIE YOU LIE-"

"ZIM!" Dib yelled, barely avoiding the PAK legs. "Zim calm down! What the hell's wrong w-?" 

"ZIM IS NOT DEFECTIVE! ZIM IS NOT A DEFECT!" He yelled, inhaling oxygen rapidly, hugging himself now. "Zim is an Invader! Zim is good! If- if Zim was, defective, that would mean my T-T-Tallests- it would mean Zim- NO!!!" He began to violently sob. 

Dib stood there, in total shock. What. The. Fuck? He slowly approached, careful to watch out for anymore flailing PAK legs. "... Zim. Did- what, happens, to defects?" 

"... They- they- they are reprogrammed. Or s-s-sent, to, die." The Irken's voice was wobbling, he wasn't looking at Dib. A sinking feeling went into Dib's gut. Things were clicking now. "If, Zim is defective, that means, everything is lies. Zim is a lie. I cannot be a lie Dib!!!" He looked at him, hyperventilating. "I cannot be, alone, out here! I cannot- I- please, you're lying. They're all lying. I'm a soldier. I'm an Invader. Right?" He hiccuped. "Please. I'm, right, aren't I? You're lying." 

He swallowed all his dissipating anger. "I'm, not lying." Before the Irken could say anything- "I'm defective too okay?! You've seen how people treat me. My own dad is disappointed in me. He wants me to get into science and I have absolutely no interest in it! I'm supposed to be the son of this great scientist and become the next Dr. Membrane. And yet, I love looking into things that can't be explained and, I'm in love with an alien. I failed at like most of what's expected of me! Y- you're not alone, okay?" He reached out and took his hands, tearing up himself. "You're not the only defect. You're not alone. It's, okay, to feel stuff. It's okay to, not, be like everyone. You're not defective to me okay?! I'm sorry I said all that stuff just don't leave me please! I don't wanna be alone..." He began to cry himself, head ducking down. 

Zim surprised Dib in that moment. His legs shrank down and he hugged Dib! He buried his face into his chest, and slowly, his breathing calmed. "Zim... I, don't want to be alone either Dib." He choked out. "I don't want to be Defective. But I don't want to be alone. Zim is sorry too. No one, in my race has felt this way before. We are not supposed to. It, scares me Dib." 

"It scares me too." 

They held each other for awhile, until Zim pulled away. But this time there was no rudeness or narcissism (Dib was realizing this was somewhat a facade) when he quietly said, "That's enough." He meant it as in _"that was all he needed"_. Dib managed to smile a little. 

"Truce?" 

Zim looked up. "Give Zim some time. I, have a lot to think about." 

"Sure. You, know where to find me. When you're ready." 

The alien nodded and departed, leaving Dib alone on the rooftop, again. But this time, he felt less alone and less like suffering. He wasn't technically isolated anymore. Maybe for once, things would go his way a little. Maybe for once, things would go Zim's way a little too. 

**Author's Note:**

> I tried. Hope it's decent! 
> 
> (Dib is 17/18 in this so if that doesn't clear things up). 
> 
> I'm also not good at anxiety attacks, but like, I get super dramatic when they happen to me so I based Zim's breakdown on that.


End file.
